You're kicking!

I meant to blog earlier but things were really crazy today at work. This baby has been kicking up a storm today. I don't know what it is but now he or she is extremelly active and does not like to wait to eat. Today I was craving steak like it was nobody's business. I had Popeye's for dinner which was even better. I even ate everything. I can't tell you the last time I ate every bit of food from Popeye's. I'm a little more tired than normal. I think with all the things going on in my life right, it tends to wear me down.

I did buy a washer and dryer today. It looks like we're going to stick it out in my one bedroom apartment. I know it will be a tight fit but I'll make it work. I just can't afford to move anywhere else at this point. I think I once I get rid of this huge sofa and rearrange some stuff, eveything will be ok. I hate waiting but hey, gotta make it happen.

I'm really excited about furniture shopping. I thinking about ordering everything in April or May. It really depends on how long it takes it to be delivered. Not to mention, how long it will take to put together. My friend Lex and his girlfriend are having a baby girl. I am so excited and anxious to find out the sex of my own child. The anticipate is killing me! Hopefully K will be there with me but who knows. Not stressing it. One thing I can say is that I have decided on your name: Kendall. Yes, your name will be Kendall.

One of my MDC friends, Angela, is having a tough time but admire her strength. Angela is a lesbian having a child on her own. Despite what society and negative individuals have to say, I think she's awesome. She has a great support system in her friends. I do hope she realizes that. She is such a wonderful person and I really enjoy getting to know her. Granted it's only online and through MDC, I know everything for her will work out, just like it will for me.

I would blog more but I'll feel like I'm rambling and I'm exhausted.

Cravings

It's Tuesday and I'm so freaking hungry! Yesterday I had a bad craving for cabbage. I would have preferred collard greens, but the cabbage worked too. Man, it was so freaking good. I can't wait for Debra to make me some greens. I tell you what, this kid knows it loves its veggies and fruit.

I feel ok today. No bad headaches but I do tend to get stiff and feel bad at times. I try to get up once every hour and go for a walk. It helps to keep me limber and moving. What I really need is a massage these days. Oh, I just get my neck and back taken care of would be fabulous! I can't afford to go to the spa this month but I'm going to save my little $85 for next month. Momma needs a massage.

No big plans for tonight. Stopping by Willy's to get my black bean salad and chilling at home. The temp is supposed to drop tonight so I know I will not be coming back out the house when I get home. I'm trying to decide what movie I want to watch. I might be another Tyler Perry flick.

I was talking to my friend Jon today and he said he is so happy to hear about my pregnancy. I am too. I love to feel the baby move and kick. It's such an awesome experience, pregnancy. Right now, me and this little one are going to go find some lunch and try to get through the next two hours before heading home.

We are quickly approaching 17 weeks and let me tell you, this baby is so freaking busy! I can feel him or her moving around so much, it's ridiculous. LOL. It actually tickles me because this little person is like their momma: a busy body. I took some recent photos. I'm trying to do better about keeping a photo journal of my pregnancy too. I want to do some pictures tonight. You know, I'm really enjoying being pregnant. I love the changes my body is going through and just feeling the baby move. Life is truly a miracle.

My mom and aunt have started planning my baby shower already. My only request is that there be lots and lots of balloons. I love balloons. Other than that, things are ok. I'm feeling good and doing good. Can't wait to meet this little person and better yet, find out if its a boy or girl!

16 weeks

Haven't posted in a few days due to some emotional turmoil. I won't go into details about things but I will say that I do not want anything to do with the father of my child right now in my life. His has continously lied and disrespected me and I'm done with it. For the sake of my child, I am done with it.

I wanted to have a baby beginning last year. Honestly I did. I was ready and also thought I had found the guy that I would like that to happen with. We had talked about the "what if" factor and agreed that we would raise a child together. Well, it actually happened and part me hoped and thought that things would change. Granted the moment we both started having second doubts, I jumped back on the pill but only to discover I was pregnant. Really, I stopped taking them for two months because my body seemed so off wack and I needed a new prescription. Well, lo and behold, baby bumper shows up and shows out. LOL. I don't regret this pregnancy at all. Again, I'm just flattered that the Lord blessed me in such a wonderful way.

I didn't think I would be a single parent as I had initially planned, similar to my MDC friend Angela. No, I thought we would be in this thing together. Well, that we certainly are not. I don't know if reality has or hasn't suck in that I'm pregnatn and need him, but I'm not going to sit around and wait. Rather, I'm going to do what I need to do to take care of this child and myself. I probably won't be moving out of my apartment anytime soon. Looks like I'll be there for the long run. 3rd floor and all. LOL

I have wonderful friends and family who love and support me in all I do. I truly do and appreciate them for that. I love that they are there to listen and help me when I need it, but most of all, I am glad for my family. I haven't told them or let on that K and I are having problems. No, this is something I will handle on my own. I will be going to my doctor's appointments alone from here on out. I don't fairweather father there. My biggest challenge is deciding on a last name for my child. Yes, he/she should have the father's last name, but I'm conflicted about that. Sigh. I dont' want to concern myself with that right now but I will focus on the positive which is this wonderful little person growing inside me. I made it to 16 weeks and are looking forward to the rest of the pregnancy.

MDC has been such another blessing to me. I appreciate all of the advice and kind words everyone has for me. Thank you, ladies, for being another light in my dark tunnel.

A wonderful (2nd!) Valentine's Day

Yesterday was probably the best and more memorable Valentine's Day in my life. K took me to dinner at Pappadeux's and I ate until my heart's content. Then we went back to his place, got in bed and watched LOST. Then he surprised me with a big pink gift bag full of goodies and the most heartfelt card I have ever read. I was so touched but he loved my gift of the first season of 24. He was really excited.

I know things aren't perfect between us and who knows how they will be but I do know that this man is very important to me and does have a heart and I'm in it along with our child. It felt great being in his arms and I can't wait for the time when our baby gets here and we all lie in bed together like a family. He's not my husband but I don't ever want my child to question the love we have for one another.

One another, I will be 16 weeks on Tuesday! I'm so excited! This baby is moving a little more and getting stronger each day. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and hope that we will have an ultrasound done. It would be great if I could know the sex but if not, we'll have to wait until March. That sucks but it's ok. I finally got some tax money back so I can start gathering my cost estimates for baby furniture. We'll have to order some items soon because I need to know how long it will take to come back. I figure, if we order by April, it should be here by May. I have to start getting things setup, decide if I'll move or what. All in all, I'm getting more and more excited with each passing day. Can't wait to meet this little person in me.

Hump Day

Tuesday:
Yesterday was crazy busy for me so I didn't get around to blogging. Overall it was an ok day. K actually called me in the middle of the day. I thought something was wrong but he was just calling to check on me. I really appreciated that. I then talked to him again later that evening and he wanted to know if I had decided about food. I really haven't since food is the furtherest thing from my mind these days. It's still really sweet of him to offer though. Didn't do much last night but went to my parents and cooked dinner. Didn't feel like being home alone so I chilled over there.

Wed:
I was feeling fine until around Noon. I got hit with serious nausea and have been feeling bad since then. I thought it was because I waited too long to eat but it's not. I don't get it. I plan doing some baking tonight. Gotta make brownies and muffins for the group for Valentine's Day. Been trying to figure what to get K for V-day. Still not too sure on that. I might pick something up on my way home from work. Personally, I'm just too tired to think of anything but sleep and resting. I keep stuffing myself with fruit but I might need to lax on that. I really want some pickles but the salt intake in those isn't good for me or mini me. Speaking of which, I hope they do an ultrasound next week so I can make sure he/she is moving around.

Last night I had a feeling I knew what the baby is. It's like it just dropped in my spirit. It's a girl. Yes, I have a strong inkling this little tike is stubborn little girl. Of course I know what I'm going to name her although I may let K pick the middle name. I do want it to be a combo of both our initials though. I swear, sometimes I can't believe I'm actually pregnant. Me, with a child.

The pregnancy has been rough, but I'm enjoying every moment. Everytime I feel a flutter or movement, I feel really good. Just glad to know that I've been blessed. Despite what may happen between me and K, this child will be center of our universe. I just want to make sure he and I are on the same page and can really work this thing on so that we are doing the best we can for this baby.

My sex drive is on overdrive. Seriously, I had to email K the other night because I cant' take this once a week thing. I need it like every night. I mean, EVERY night. This once a week isn't going to work for a woman in my condition. Give it to me like I need it: which is pretty much everyday.

Let's get started:

Friday:
I spent the evening at home in bed. I didn't go anywhere. I actually wasn't feeling that well but did manage to talk to a friend or two on the phone earlier in the evening. K finally called but I didn't call him back until later. We talked for two hours and he said that he's taking me a b-ball game next month, maybe a concert this month and I guess dinner for Valentine's day. *sigh* I'm not going to comment on how I feel about some things right now. But whatever.

Saturday:
Went out shopping with my mom for my cousin's baby shower. I had already picked up my gift but she had to get one. Headed down for the shower with my friend, godmom and my mom. Had a great time and have tons of pictures to prove it. I'll be uploading those to my album later today. Came home that night and could barely get to sleep. I didn't manage to doze off late but got some z's. Earlier that day I made some strawberry lemonade and learned that the baby gets kinda geeked up with that much sugar. It was pretty cool. Drink a cup and he/she goes coo-coo. LOL

Sunday:
Lounged at my parents, cooked over there and did laundry. I went shopping for a bit and pretty much spent the evening at home. I watched the grammy's and that was about it. I didn't talk on the phone, but I did stay up a little late reading. I really need to buy a new book tonight or I'll be out of something to read this evening. Maybe I'll stop by my aunt's house or something.

Today:
Of course I woke up groggy after a great night of sleep. I haven't felt as much movement today. Not sure what's up with that but this baby is so picky anyway. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to eat for dinner. This not really wanting food but eating anyway sucks. Baby has to eat though, so I have to eat. I'm going to go ahead and get ready to head home. I'm starting to come down with a headache...again! My reasts are leaking big time. My bras keep getting wet and then they dry up and it sticks. I might have to get some nipple pads soon. At least this is a good sign that they are producing milk so breastfeeding is a big possibility.

Made it to Friday. Had some normal aches and pains but nothing major. I did need a serious nap after going out during lunch to buy a gift for this baby shower. I got a cute little bouncer for my cousin. Then my mom wants me to go out with her tomorrow to get a crib or stroller. Sigh. I so don't feel like it but whatever. K called last night as I was drifted off. I would have answered it but I was tired and didn't feel like talking. I don't get how you can just call me when you feel like it which is normally once every 4 days. Whatever.

This kid has been crazy busy again today and craving salads. That seems to be all I want to eat all the time. That and chili cheese fries from Krystal's. Man, I need to stop by there on my way home. Either way, thank goodness it's Friday. I'm going to go home, eat some chili cheese fries and watch a Tyler Perry play. What an awesome way to kick off the weekend. Surprisingly, my boobs haven't been itchy today! Thank goodness! I might go buy me a cute pajama set and just lounge for the night. I should do some cleaning, but screw it! I need to take a trip to Sam's and get some water but I can't hump that heavy thing up the stairs. Nonetheless, I will just figure out. Tonight, tonight is all about baby and Monique.

I woke up with the worse morning sickness EVER! I mean, seriously. I thought I was going to throw up in the shower. I did force myself to come into work and felt instantly better once I stepped outside into the cool air. My heat has been off for the past two nights and this morning I woke up to 32 degrees! By midmorning, I had a huge energy burst and started knocking out projects as they came left and right. No nausea, no fatigue. I even took sometime this morning to put together a tentative plan for Las Vegas in November.

I was talking to a girlfriend today about life and we had such an interesting conversation. We started discussing how you should always have a backup plan because you don't necessarily want to fall into a position where someone doesn't provide the daycare money and you're SOL. We had the same thoughts on a lot of stuff. As I told her, my biggest fear is K will decide one day that he's not ready. Sigh. I'm not even going to go there with this post but do know that this littler person will be very well taken care of for life!

I can't believe that on Tuesday I'll be 15 weeks. Wow! Time is flying by. According to charts, I should start to feel some kicks in the two weeks. How about that? This kid has been unusually active today. Bouncing and bumping into my stomach all day. I have a little busy body in me. My cousin that's due on March 6 has already dialated 1 cenimeter. Looks like our baby will be here within the next two weeks. Can you believe this child hasn't even decided on a name for her yet? I can't believe that. She needs to get it together. I need something to call my child other than "it", the baby, the kid, etc.

I did manage to get in touch with my apartment complex about moving. Looks like all I need to do is take care of submitting a 30 day notice and transfer in April. This just might work out after all but I'm trying to keep a tight and watchful eye on my funds.

I actually made it through the entire day without feeling horribly bad. I can't believe it. I took a stroll for lunch and bought a book, a salad and a smoothie. I'm heading home in about 20 minutes to do my laundry and fry me some chicken. All in all, its been a pretty good day. The baby has been pretty active and fluttering around so I feel relieved. I got a good night's sleep night and haven't had any constipation issues this afternoon - yet. Can't believe I'm already 14 weeks. Less than two weeks to go until I'm 16 weeks. I keep wondering if maybe they will be able to tell me what I'm having when I go to the doctors on the 20th. Not sure if Ken wants to go but we'll see.

Oh my gosh, I just thought about the most awful sandwich I had this morning. I decided to try those McDonald McGriddle sandwiches (b, e and c). I didn't know the buns were really sweet, like glops of syrup! Yuck! I hate really sweet stuff. Needless to say, that ruined my breakfast. Tomorrow's breakfast certainly won't be that. I plan to enjoy a plain on biscuit with some juice. LOL

My body is still achy and giving me pains, but apparently this is all a normal part of pregnancy. Just my uterus and my body expanding to grow with the growing child. My friend Lex and his girlfriend are pregnant at 17 weeks. Shay looks great! You can tell that she's going to lose her baby weight immediately, as I plan to get in a walking and yoga routine by 3 weeks. No sense in returning to work weighing a ton.

I went out and bought some more maternity clothes on Monday. Part of me figured that I might ended up a little bigger than planned. I need some clothes to help me with my growing waistline. Gosh, I can't wait to find out the sex of this baby! Seriously! I've been thinking more and more about moving to a different apartment. The stairs are wearing me down and I can't depend on K to help me with rent. We don't even live together. I just have to do what I can for right now and it's pretty much just getting to a lower floor and going from there.

Tuesday Sickness

In spite of the fact that I did make it out to vote, I did not, however, make it into work. I left the voting site, got all the way to the office and turned right back around. I just needed to come home and rest. I really think I've been pushing my body a bit more than I should have recently. I know I'm pregnant but part me keeps thinking that I can continue on as always.

In the midst of that, I called my grandmother and told her thathat she sick and going home. Well, she decided that she had been wanting to talk to me about my baby shower. Apparently, she does not want me to start planning it because she says it's bad luck for me to love this baby too much. I just don't get it. One minute people are telling me to enjoy the pregnancy because it is a wonderful experience and then I have my grandmother telling me to not get so excited until I'm 7 months. No! I'm happy that I'm pregnant and enjoying every moment of it. I am not going overboard planning. As I explained to her, we don't live in a small town and cant' have baby showers at our homes like they do. My child is due in the middle of the summer when every one gets married. I have to start looking for space or be shit out of luck.

I sometimes feel like no one has any regard for my feelings during my pregnancy. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and as I look over past posts, I see and read nothing but sadness and heartache. I am not sad about this child, but people are sure saying the things to make me feel like I should not relish and enjoy this blessing. God blessed me with this child, so who am I not to be grateful and thankful for His gift? All I asked is people be happy for me for once in my life. I keep feeling like everything I do is just not good enough. When is it all good enough? I just can't seem to do anything right. Nothing. I don't get it. I can't have man commit to me, I can't make my parents happy, I can't satisfy my job, I can't make ends meet the way they should. Sigh. I just dont get it.

I called my cousin Brian last night. Naturally he was upset that I didn't call him and tell him about my pregnancy but he was over it immediately. Interestingly, he brought up a convo he had with my father. Apparently my father feels that I may remain so career oriented that I won't ever want to marry. Can you believe that? My cousin told him that he highly doubts that is the case and that I just don't believe in making rash decisions. Of course I don't! I do want to marry and would love to marry K and we raise our child together but I will not marry a man that does not love and respect me as a woman and not just as the mother of his child. I want a man to love me wholeheartly. I mean, love me so much that even soul can feel it. I want a love that will stand the test of time and life. I want a love that is like I Corithians 13 in the Bible. Why would I just up and marry someone just because? No, when a man is mature and ready and that's something we both want, then I will marry.

Valentines day is coming up and I wonder how things will be that day. For me, no telling. Last year, K surprised me with dinner at his house and we watched movies. He bought me a bear and a coffee mug. I thought that was really sweet. He's not the mushy type but when he tries, it's really sweet and appreciated.

I suppose I'll get myself ready for bed so that I can go back to work tomorrow. Bills gotta paid, ya know.

The beginning of the week

What a weekend I had! Friday night I took K out for his birthday to Fox Sports Grille. We had a really nice time. I didn't know that he had never been but it was still really nice for us to hang out. Instead of going to the movies, we rented a few, climbed in bed and watched them. Saturday I spent at my parents and just lounging around. I had plenty of things to do but was too lazy. Saturday night I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up at the buttcrack of dawn like I had to go work.

Sunday I spent out shopping starting at 7 am (couldnt sleep) and then headed to my parents house and hung out there all day to help my mom with food for the SuperBowl. Sunday evening I hiked my way over to Keith's house for the party and had a great time. I love hanging out with my friends. They are the silliest group of characters anyone will ever know. Sunday night, K and I headed back to my house and laid in bed watching house. With me being prego, let's just say we didn't get to sleep until late. ;)

Needless to say, I didn't get in until after 8:30 this morning and plan on leaving work in about 40 minutes. I am doggone tired and not totally because of last night. ;) I'm just really tired. Naturally it's pregnancy related but I just want to crawl into bed and nap for about two hours. I'll head over to my parents house about 7 to make my dinner and get back home before Prison Break comes on.

I realized Saturday that I needed to go shopping for more maternity clothes. Silly of me to even think that I would be able to fit sizes like medium and large in the coming months. I need clothes with some more room in them! Seems I'm going to be all belly and I can't stand for my pants to touch my belly now. Help! So, I might make a stop by Motherhood Maternity for some provisions. *sigh* In the midst of it all, I'm loving being pregnant.

2/1/2008

Praise the Lord I've made it to Feb! Not only is today K's birthday, but I'll be 4 months in a few weeks. Well, 3 weeks. Go baby! Still suffering from boughts of nausea and serious fatigue but I think an hour nap when I get home should do we good. This baby wears me down. :) I can't wait to meet him or her.

For some reason, I'm struggling with the fatigue. I went to bed last night around 8:30 and woke up at 5:30 (as usual) and got up at 6 and still felt exhausted. I have to ask my cousin Brian if this is normal. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I am, however, noticing that I don't have an appetite like before. Some days I'll go with not wanting to eat food but forcing something down. I really didn't want lunch, but figured fruit was not going to sufficient. Again, I'm not sure if that's normal. Considering how I'm not hungry now, I wonder if I'll be ok to deal with the food at Fox.

I was telling the girls the other night, I was lying in bed crying because none of my regular clothes fit. I feel so huge and so bloated. I know it's because I'm pregnant and that's perfectly fine. In the eyes of most, I am very beautiful because I have the ability to carry a life in me. Men can't do that shyt. They can only imagine what it must be like to be the one to give birth to the leaders of tomorrow. This little seed in me will be exposed to the world and get nothing but the best. I'm just learning to deal with the bodily changes pregnancy brings. They aren't bad, just quick changes but I wouldn't change any of it for this baby inside of me.

Today is K's birthday. The plan is dinner at Fox Sports Grill and then a movie and home to bed. Since he has class tomorrow, I don't want to keep him out late but I do want to do a little something. Nothing big; just something with the two us. I think the girls are going out for Annette's bday at Dugan's. I would go but they smoke in there and the noise might be a bit much. Sunday we're going to that party at Keith's so I need to make sure I have everything I need to make the pasta salad and some pigs-in-a-blanket.