New Year's Eve

I'm a little hurt that my first doctor's appointment was cancelled. They called this morning and said that they would have to reschedule it for Jan 23! I'm so mad but that's ok. I'm not going to let it get me upset. Then there's the money. Lord, the money, but K and I are going to work this out and take care of it all. No worries, no worries. I'm leaving all stress and drama in 07.

We spent yesterday with my parents and my dad finally had that "talk" with K. LOL. I don't know what exactly was said and I'm not going to ask. It was a man-to-man thing so I stepped out if it. One thing I do know is that I feel much better about their relationship and where things stand. Whew! He's family now.

The girls and I and some of the guys are just going to spend NYE together and cook breakfast. Nothing big; just the family. The way I would want to spend it. Anyway, I'll be 9 weeks on Tuesday/Wednesday. I'm really excited about that.

I can't believe the year is ending. Wow, 2007 has been something else. Thank you Lord for letting me see it and live it, and conceive a child during it. 2008 is all about making a better life for me and my child. Things will be ok.

No updates - updated

It's Friday, I'm broke from paying bills and have no updates. Still not sleeping through the night and quite frankly, I'm in a sort of funky mood right now.

**Update***

I told Naomi and Kanetta I was pregnant today. Kanetta and I were having a conversation about marriage and life in general and I just broke down crying. She asked what was wrong and I told her I had to tell her something. I shouldn't have said it like that and had her all worried but all I could do was blurt out, "Im pregnant.". That was not the way I wanted to tell them but I did. I wanted to do it face to face on Monday but I couldn't wait and I was just overwhelmed with emotion. We called Naomi on 3 way and told her as well. They are both very excited and Lord knows I'm happy about that. I really need them and love that they know now. I hate not having anyone to talk to about this. It's been lonely and difficult at times. I was telling Kanetta that the hardest part is being alone when things get rough for me with the pregnancy. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I want to dial 911. I didn't tell K about the other night when I woke up and ended up on his bathroom floor because I was in so much pain. I should have woke him up but I didn't. I guess part me is still trying to make sure that I get used to possibly being at home by myself throughout things. It's just lonely sometimes.

I called a couple of friends tonight to see what they were doing and everyone is either out of town, headed to club or at a bar drinking. Things I can't do right now. I know I'm going to miss the party scene but this child is worth a year long sacrafice. When I'm home alone, I get lost in my thoughts and find myself crying about some of everything. *sigh* I think I'm just going to go out and get some dinner and watch The Wiz. I don't have anything else to do so I might as well make the best of a Friday night alone.

I am so tired

K made it back to Atlanta safely. I'm glad he's home. I missed him. Last night I was craving chinese food. I felt so bad because I had him riding all over the northside looking for a chinese restaurant. I just really wanted some veggie fried rice. I'm glad I got it because I passed out after I ate. I couldn't sleep very well last night. I woke up at 1:30 with the worse stomach ache ever. I don't know where that pain came from but it was awful. I was near tears and lying on his bathroom floor. I wanted to call him but I didn't. I just waited the pain out.

It's so funny sometimes to hear him talking to my stomach and telling the baby to "settle down in there, boy!". LOL He just knows he's going to have a son. At this point, I wouldn't doubt it. Apparently part of his family is saying it's a girl and the other half is saying it's a boy. Who knows! I just want a healthy baby and safe pregnancy.

The fact that I'm pregnant just hit me today. I had to actually go shopping for maternity clothes during lunch today. My belly is getting so big! I'm going to start taking pictures and uploading them to photobucket to share. I didn't have any uterine pain today. But the fatigue...Lord, I am so tired. I was in my car and fell asleep for 15 minutes before coming back into the building. I am exhausted! I'm going to go over to my parent's house, get some food together, take the pictures off my camera and go to home to bed. I haven't taken my prenatal vitamins in two days so I need to make sure I pop one of those when I get home.

I'm so excited about my first appointment next week. K is going with me. I can't wait to hear the baby's heartbeat and get my first ultrasound picture. Life is amazing!

How I'm feeling:
Tired, tired, tired

How far along am I:
8 weeks and one day

8 weeks today!

We made it to 8 weeks. How exciting. We are now in the second month and the 3rd is quickly approaching. Some obvious changes are about to start occuring. One being that I'll definitely be showing by next month. K comes home today. Yay! I'm so happy he'll be home. He's only been gone for a few days but I missed him. When we talked the other day he said he was going to go to Sam's and start buying up diapers around Feb. LOL. We certainly want to be prepared but I'm not sure if we need to start that early. I've been meaning to ask him about some stuff later on but I'll get him about it later. Wow, 9 weeks next week. This pregnancy is flying by.

I'm still really sore from my uterus growing and spreading. Been like this for about 3 days now. I'm trying to move around and do stuff but I find myself needing a nap by midday. Of course I can't wait to start walking everyday and doing yoga. When my 3rd month ends, the fitness program will begin. I'll definitely need to talk to my doctor about it Monday too.

Well, let me get up and get moving. I need to do some cleaning around my apartment today. I feels so cluttered. And I certainly need to clean out my car asap. I'll be back at work tomorrow and I will spend the day doing well, I don't know but I'll get some stuff done. ;)

How I'm feeling:
Tired, no sore boobs!, sore pelvic area

How far along:
8 weeks!

Merry Christmas, Baby!

I managed to stay awake until midnight to say Merry Christmas! I can't believe that this time next year, I'll be celebrating my child's first Christmas. How amazing is that? Well, it's official that I'm pregnant. The aches and pains have begun. I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad pain in the crease of my leg that extended out to my pelvic area. I waited until 9am to call my mom. Turns out my uterus is spreading and making room for a growing baby. I tell you what, this crap hurts! I've been in pain and uncomfortable all day. Not to mention that pain spreading further south. *sigh*. And this is only the beginning...

I got my hair permed. I couldn't take the naturalness anymore and needed something a little bit more low maintenance. K called tonight. I (We) miss him even though he'll be home in a few days. I just need to be around him. :-) Sounded like he was having a great time at home which is good. He told his parents Friday night and they were super excited. His mom called me and congratulated me and said she would be here as soon as the baby was born. I'm glad. I want my child to know and spend time with both sides of his/her family. That's very important to me. So, *whew* we told his parents. I wasn't worried, per se, about their reaction but still, you never know. I certainly want people to be happy for us and support us.

The girls and I met up at Nicki's for a gift exchange today. It was great seeing everyone's reactions to their gifts and seeing the kids react to theirs. I love Christmas time. It's just so wonderful to me to see a child's reaction. I wanted to tell them then that I was pregnant but I'm going to wait a little long. At least after the first of the year.

I'm trying to start the habit of talking to my belly. I definitely say goodnight each night but we need more conversation time. I'm going to work on that and definitely get K to up his talk time too. I would continue to post but I'm sleepy and the baby needs his/her rest. Until tomorrow...


How I'm feeling:
nauseous, tired and sore all over my lower body

How far along:
almost 8 wks!

Freaky Friday

Well, it's Friday and I made it through the whole week. I woke up this morning with tons of energy and quite an appetite. I stopped and picked up some food, then got to work and the office was having a holiday brunch. I've been in such a festive mood all morning...until an hour ago. I don't know what happened but the sleep hit me with a force unlike any other. I am so freaking tired right now. I didn't eat alot today but I feel like I need to throw something up. K is taking me out tonight and Lord knows this baby can't having momma feeling bad. I need to feel better. Besides, I'll get to see my movie tonight that I've been so excited about for weeks now. Maybe after I've taken a nap I'll feel better. I'm only hanging around work for another 20 minutes before I leave the Christmas holiday.

K is going home to MS and will tell his parents tomorrow. I pray everything goes ok. I mean, he's a grown man but still, I know how important it is to have your family support and stand behind you. I'm going to miss him while he's gone. I've been trying to do some budgeting stuff to figure out how a savings plan for the baby. I think it's about time to get K involved. We'll talk about it later in January. Anyway, it's Christmas time and I'll be wrapped up in that stuff for the next few days. Until then....

How I'm feeling:
Tired and ready to go home to bed!

How far along am I:
7 wks and 2 days! I can't believe how time is passing by. I'll be two months the day after Christmas.

I had dinner with my friends last night and I almost blurted out, " I'm pregnant!". LOL. Keeping this from them is hard but we got another two weeks to go so I might as well get used to it. One thing I do I know is that I'm getting excited as each day goes by. Yesterday was a pretty good day. Not too nauseous, very sleepy but eating well. I tell you what, this baby is going to be a seafood lover because that's all I crave. I sooo hope K takes me to Chef Rob's Friday night. I don't know how much more longer I can take this. LOL.

I woke up in the middle of the night and slept on the sofa. It was actually really comfortable. I eventually woke up at my normal time of 5:30 and got back in the bed. That 45 minutes of sleep before I got up for real felt like two hours. It was great. I think I may try sleeping on the sofa. I'm certainly hitting the sack early tonight because I want to get into work early since I have to meet K at his house at 4. Nonetheless, its Thursday, rainy and I've been sick most of the morning. I don't know what it is about today but the smells in the air are disgusting! Everything stinks to me. I'm getting some soup and salad for lunch and I'm taking a nap in my car. It's been a rough morning but I'll get through it one way or another.

How I'm feeling:
Very nauseous, tired and not really liking food right now

Wednesday Wind down

Well, I made it Wednesday. Today has been a good day. I spent lunch with my girls and gave them their Christmas presents. I was so excited to see their reactions. Everyone loved their gift. I swear I love this time of year! I'm so excited. Anyway, last night was a good night. The baby was craving collard greens and green beans so I went to Piccadilly and racked up. LOL. K and I had an interesting conversation about child raising. I'm curious to see how he'll be as a father. One thing I do know is that he'll be a GREAT father. I was doing everything I could to hide my stomach from my friends today. As long as I kept talking, no one looked down. Even though I'm not big, I still got a belly that stands out. LOL Not telling them is killing me but soon enough they will know. I still can't get over how quickly time is passing. I can't wait to meet my son or daughter. I swear I would faint if I found it were twins. LOL

How I'm feeling: Anxious, relieved and a little naueous

About me today

I've found myself riding into work without the radio on for the past couple of mornings. I'm not really sure why I've been doing that but now I'm contemplating if that's such a good idea. When I'm in silence, I tend to let my mind wander and think about things. Some things good, some things bad; lately it's been the bad. Not necessarily the bad per se, but rather the games people play. I consider myself a very straight-up person. I speak my mind, if I like it, I say it; if I hate it, I say it. One thing I don't like for people to do is play me for a fool or mess with my head. Something people need to understand about people is that we always know what's really going on. We're creatures of habit so when something is out of sync, all kinds of red flags go up. Lately, I've been seeing nothing but red and hate feeling that way. I hate being suspicious of people, especially those I care about.

One thing I've noticed that this pregnancy is testing is my mental capacity. There are going to be alot of things I will have to deal with emotionally, physically, and financially. I find myself already thinking about those things, because, you know me, I'd rather be forewarned and prepared than looking like a fool because I didn't know.

On a lighter note, a funny thing happened the other day. I got a call from a guy I knew years ago. We dated briefly but it didn't work. He was a dog and I wasn't having that. But we did manage to stay friends and keep in touch. Ironically, he called out of the blue to say hello and ask me out. I think I may have insulted him when I laughed after he posed the question. I just found it amusing that he would think to ask me out when I'm pregnant. Naturally I declined because, well, I'm pregnant but I also explained that I was seeing someone (my child's father). Call me wrong, but it felt kinda good to have a guy ask me out. It's not that it doesn't happen but the ones who have are dogs and only want one thing. I think one thing I want right now is to feel desired. Pointblank, I don't feel sexy. I'm so all over the place with this entry. The focus should be the pregnancy and today it's all about me.

A funny story: I seem to have cramps bad at night. I don't know why but I'm convinced this growing child in me has a lot to do with it. I've found that if I rub my belly and talk to him/her, it stops. *big smile* Kinda makes me feel good; like he/she is responding to me. I try to get in the habit of talking to my belly every morning and every night. More than anything, I want this baby to know that it is loved and meant to be here.

How I'm feeling:
A little depressed today, a little crampy, some nausea

Monday Woes

Yesterday was a rough day, emotionally and physically. I don't think I've been that sick since I found out I was pregnant. I could not get out of bed for fear of vomitting everywhere. I did, however, manage to finally take a shower and go to the store while I felt up to it.

I've been feeling like I'm in this pregnancy alone, although I know I'm not. K is very much there but I have to keep reminding myself this is just as much of a shock to him as it is me. I guess physically it's harder on me. I try to remember to keep my emotions in tact and not go off on him just because. I don't do it intentionally I just sometimes need someone to rub my back or hug me and say "it will be ok". This baby is certainly making his/her presence known in my life. The morning sickness (which should be called all-damn-day sickness), the crazy hormones and the craves (pickles, lettuce and spicy food) is kicking my butt. One thing I don't doubt is that this little boy/girl will certainly make sure everyone knows they are here.

Despite how rough yesterday was, I felt much better after I told K how I felt. I'm sure it didn't make a bit of sense to him but I needed to let it out. I just needed to let him know how I felt. Since we haven't told any friends, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. And besides, he's the only one that I want (and should) discuss my feelings with right now. We're having a baby for goodness sakes.

Nonetheless, I feel much better today (emotionally) but the sickness is bearing down on me physically. I can't wait for my first doctor's appointment on NYE. I feel great knowing that my grandparents and his grandfather is watching over and protecting this child. Did I mention that I've thought of baby names? Of course I'm not going to reveal them this early on but I've made headway.

How I'm feeling:
Very nauseous, not quite tired, sore boobs

How far along am I:
6wks and 3 days

*sigh*

Today was been a rough day emotionally. All I keep thinking about is the fact that I have a life inside of me growing. My baby has a heartbeat. I just cannot believe that. I was talking to my "big brother" Martese and found myself breaking down crying because I can't believe what's happening right now in my life. Times when I'm at home and I'm too sick to move or in so much pain that have to crawl to the bathroom, it reminds me that I just might end up going at this alone. K isn't with me 24/7 and I shouldn't expect anyone to be. Women have been birthing and taking care of children by themselves since the beginning of time. It's just that this is my first child and I'm scared. Sure I have my family and friends but, I guess that's all that should matter. Maybe these are the hormones talking and maybe I'm just being "extra". I don't know. What I do know is that I need not stress and worry myself about anything. I just wish I had someone to talk to sometimes when all these thoughts are running through my mind. It's such a rainy day and all I can do is lie around and cry. I hope this isn't going to happen for the next 7 months.

How I'm feeling:
Tired, a little naueous, bored and depressed

How far along:
6wks and one day

Rough Day

Yesterday and last night was rough. Just before I left work I started experiencing that bad cramping again. I couldn't walk, I couldn't move; the pain was too much. Of course I called the nurse and she said this was all normal and not to panic unless I saw bright red. I sometimes wonder if I'm asking too many questions and have too many concerns. This is my first child so I guess I'll be a bit over the top about everything. One thing she did tell that I've been hearing day-in and day-out is to take it easy. With that said, I'm going to try harder to do so.

I had my first breakdown last night. I got mad at K for being concerned. It's all these freaking emotions running through. It's not his fault and I didn't mean to lash out at him about it. I was wrong. I just hope we don't have to deal with this for another 7 months. Lord please not. Poor K. Between him being worried about me and this baby, he has alot on him. I'm so ready for him to tell his parents so that we can start sharing the news with our friends soon. I talked to Kanetta this morning and almost told her. LOL. Of course I don't want to jump the gun and want to wait until at least 9 weeks but still...

How I'm feeling:
Nauseous, sore boobs, not quite so tired, hungry and craving caffine

How far long am I:
6 weeks as of today!

I'm pregnant

On Friday, December 7, something told me that this day was not going to be like any other. Sure enough, I find out that I'm pregnant. I cannot begin to explain the rush of emotions that flooded my mind. Surprise, happiness, shock, disbelief, amazement, excitement and nervousness to name a few. This is me we're talking about. I'm the cool auntie, the party girl, the woman with tons of plans for her future (although this baby came a little early in the plans), but now I'm a mother-to-be. Wow, me a mom. I was really nervous about telling K about the baby but when I did, I was shocked and surprised by his reaction. He was very excited and happy. Whew! Next was my parents. When I say I was terrrifed, that's putting it mildly. But I sucked it up and told them and they have been very supportive of everything. We haven't told his family yet but I'll be so relieved when we start spreading the news of our pending baby!

How I'm feeling:
Sore boobs, very sleepy, irritable and emotional at the same time, unable to sleep at night and always hot.

How far along am I:
5wks and 5 days