Wigged out

So I'm still dealing with the emotional stuff from my mom and K and just overall. Last night was rough on me. I didn't sleep well and woke up at 3;00 am to go to the bathroom and discover that I was bleeding pretty heavy. I freaked out and tried to sleep but I couldn't. I called the nurse today and she had me come to get some blood work done. I have to go back on Saturday for some more work. I'm not worried about any of this. Last night was a huge scare but made me realize that I can't let other people and other stuff worry me. I have this precious jewel in me, this blessing from God, and who am I take for granted what he's done? I said today that I would not allow mess to bother me anymore.

I called K (two hours after he called me) and told him what the doc said. I also told him I wanted all my stuff back from his place. He asked me if I missed it and I said no, I just want it all back. He said well, I'm sure you have plenty of lotion so yours is still here on the bathroom counter. Whatever. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of wondering and not feeling like trust exists between us anymore. No way. I'm not going to go there. If he doesn't want to give it all back now, fine. I'll get it later. Nonetheless, I'm getting it back and that will be that. I love K so much it hurts but its hurting me that he doesn't feel slightly the same.

I'm done worrying about other folks. It's time I focus on my health and that of this child coming. I love him/her so much. I can't wait to hear his/her heartbeat and know that everything will be ok. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful gift. Forgive me for not being grateful the way I should have in the beginning. I won't ever do anything like that again.